Why So Stupid?
by YfyF12
Summary: Another Mary Sue one-shot, showing how much you can make the Joker seem like a total SAP if you're not careful!


It was Friday evening and Yolanda was typing away at her laptop.

She had been working on a Batman: The Dark Knight fanfic for quite awhile. Of course it was mainly centered on her beloved character, the Joker, but she didn't have any bright ideas. She already created this girl that was absolutely gorgeous, but she couldn't think of an interesting way for them to meet.

She tapped her chin thoughtfully. Outside her window the wind raged like a restless beast, rapping her window in a violent manner. She tried to zone out the noise of the bothersome wind, and focused on what she was working on.

She typed one paragraph and then swiftly deleted it, deciding it didn't blend in well. She then wrote one sentence and immediately erased it. Her brain simply wasn't cooperating with her at the moment.

Seeing if this would be helpful, Yolanda watched the beginning of the Dark Knight, which was already saved on her computer (God she was such a Batman/Joker geek) and watched the bank scene. Of course she had to rewind it when the Joker spoke for the first time, completely fascinated by his character. She then skipped to her favorite parts of the movie, which were mainly the ones with the Joker.

Afterwards she exited Windows Media Player. That didn't help much. All she kept picturing was the Joker slicing someone's lips, or laughing maniacally. She just couldn't picture him actually telling a girl he loved her, or showing any kind of affection for someone.

She plopped down on her bed, sighing. This definitely wasn't turning out too well. Maybe another reason why her brain was lacking creativity was because she didn't get a proper rest, seeing how late she stayed up. Glancing outside her window, seeing that it was around five in the evening, she decided to take a nap.

Almost instantly, she felt herself drift into a deep sleep.

* * *

Yolanda woke up in a dark room.

She was sitting on a comfortable couch, made of leather. Everything around her was perfectly dark, confusing her greatly.

Suddenly a light turned on in front of her, revealing a large, flat-screen TV.

She cocked her head to the side in curiosity. Now who would leave a TV like that lying around?

The TV screen had turned on, the buttons flashing. Yolanda stilled, watching the TV in deep interest. A title showed up on the screen, saying:

**Why So Stupid? **

She blinked. That was odd. She's never heard of a movie with that title. To be honest; though, it reminded her of the Joker's main saying—his trademark sentence. Why so serious? It was a bit crude, she had to admit.

She figured it would be a comedy. So not prepared for what she'd see ahead, Yolanda settled comfortably on the couch, resting her chin on her arms. She waited for the so-called movie to begin, but nothing happened. Those three words continued to stare back at her.

Yolanda was more than delighted when, suddenly, a pack of candy fell in her arms. She began munching on the sweet yet sour candy with a delighted smile, not caring where it came from.

Suddenly the screen showed the Batman signal made of grey clouds, much like it did in the beginning of the movie. Yolanda felt a tingle of adoration, loving how well the screen-makers showed the signal.

The screen, unlike in the movie, showed the Joker. Yolanda nearly began clapping in happiness, but she managed to control herself and watch the movie. The Joker was standing in the middle of a horribly wrecked room, his hunched shoulders apparent and a knife lingering in his gloved hand.

A girl was off to the side. Yolanda noticed she was tied up in ropes, but she didn't notice any sign of distress.

"Would you like to know how I got these scars?" The Joker asked the girl. The screen zoned up on his back slowly, increasing the suspense. "It's an, uh, interesting story."

"You already told me _three_ of those." The girl snapped, completely irritated. "You're a fucking psycho with a sick, twisted imagination."

The Joker turned around, a smirk adorning his face. The camera quickly zoomed out, showing how the girl glared at him. "Why thank you! I thought you'd never notice."

When he began advancing on her, his entire lanky body towering over her now shaking form, the girl began begging, "Please don't do that again! Please. My dad raped me when I was a kid and I have dozens of scars all over me."

Yolanda felt a little disappointed when the Joker softened. His smirk seemed less malicious, and he dropped the knife to the ground—something he's _never_ done before. "Let me see 'em. Let me see the, uh, scars."

"No!" The girl began struggling when the Joker ripped off her shirt, showing a torso covered in bruises and various scars. The Joker winced, but didn't look like he was mocking her.

Yolanda was so confused, she stopped eating. What the heck was wrong with the Joker?

Yolanda found it hard to grown in disgust when the Joker murmured, "We're the same. Identical."

If there was one thing she knew about the Joker that was that _nobody was like him_. Not even Harley Quinn, who—even though Yolanda was a big fan of —tried to act like him. She certainly had no scars, and she had no mysterious background. And from the looks of this overly young, teenage-like girl, she didn't look rough.

Yolanda failed to hold back a scream, though, when the Joker gently—YES GENTLY—kissed the girl. ON THE LIPS. She covered her eyes, hearing romantic begin to play in the background.

"I'll protect you," The Joker told her sincerely. Yolanda screamed into her hands in pure terror. "You'll be my, uh, queen. Together we'll rule Gotham."

"I have to tell you something," The girl whispered dramatically. Yolanda hated how dramatic she was. "I'm….I'm _pregnant_."

Yolanda eased up. Maybe the Joker would kill her now. Maybe he'd shoot her, or stab her. SOMETHING IN HIS CHARACTER! He wasn't this stupid! But when he looked suddenly delighted, Yolanda felt sick to the stomach.

Her favorite character IN THE WORLD was acting like a total SAP.

"Why so serious?" The Joker asked her. That had absolutely no connection to what they were talking about. Yolanda just didn't know why he had said that.

Suddenly Bruce broke through the ceiling—yes he broke through, like he was some god or something. He was dressed as Batman. "Hand her over, Joker. I got those disgusting videos you sent me of you raping her. You fiend!"

"I knew kidnapping your niece would improve our friendship!" The Joker said mockingly, standing almost protectively in front of the girl. Yolanda rolled her eyes. "But with sincerest apologies, I cannot hand her over." The Joker paused. "Wait. Since when did you have a niece? I thought your entire family was _dead_."

"They are." Batman replied hesitantly. "She's a distant relative."

The Joker looked confused, but then snapped out of it and broke out in a fit of giggles. "Well, _Batsy,_" Yolanda gagged. The Joker NEVER called Batman _Batsy_. "You're too late. She and I are getting married tomorrow, PRONTO!"

"Why would you want to marry her?" Batman asked incredulously.

"Because she's my other half." The Joker said gaily. "She…completes me."

Yolanda felt like her world was falling apart. Someone took her favorite, most beloved character, and brought him down to this, this, this WIMP!

The Joker then looked into the screen with an arrogant smile and said, "Why so serious?"

And then the screen went black. Yolanda needed a moment to calm her nerves, truly traumatized.

The screen turned back on, but this time, the Joker was sitting on a chair, stroking a knife. He smiled into the screen.

"Hello," He said in an eerie voice, one that completely matched him. "Wasn't that just _terrible_ what you say? I had a knife, and threw it away! Disregarded it like it was nothing!" He pouted. "And it was my favorite one, too."

He then stood up. "If you're trying to, ya know, 'match' me up with someone, use some creativity. I personally don't like it when a woman has scars." He then added, "And I have many faults, and am known for a few things, but I AM NOT A PETAPHILE. I am _not_ interested in teenagers. I already went through those awkward years." He rolled his eyes.

"And capturing the Batman's niece is absurd. That's _crazy_! For one, I don't even know who Batman _is_! So how the heck would I know who's related to him? The only possible explanation would be _nuts_!"

He then looked around his room. "And would I ever share all this fine furnishing with someone? Never." He narrowed his eyes. "I don't care how good her body looks, or how many sob stories she has, I don't just lend things out for free. And raping a woman?" He rubbed his temple. "Rape is nothing but trying to control them. HELLO! I'm trying to make people understand that control isn't always a good thing! Why the heck would I go and rape them, advertising the thing I'm going against?"

He took a deep breath, trying to calm down. "And, looking at that, I sounded like a _broken record_. I said the same things over and over!" He then mocked himself, "Why so serious? Wanna know how I got these scars?" He shrugged. "I know those are quotes that are mind-boggling and all, but ya tend to ruin them if ya hear them too much. That's why I always, uh, mix things up a bit."

He then stopped, then looked at the screen with a smile.

"Why so stupid?"

* * *

A/N: I don't mean to insult someone! People write pretty awesome stories with the Joker, but always try to make something creative. Don't do something used over and over! I hope you enjoyed this, it was mainly to prove a point and to have a good laugh! :)

~YolandaFriella


End file.
